Part of a child's development into adults is to learn from their mistakes. Therefore, as a parent you shouldn't throw the choices they made in their faces when the decisions they made go bad.
It's possible when someone seems angry at you about something it actually doesn't have anything at all to do with what just happened. Instead the incident may have triggered a memory of something completely unrelated. Fish triggers a memory for Tony and a dispute over orange juice between Carmella and Tony is not what it seems.
There is a another situation of an illusion of reality. The older generation revere doctors. Doctors can do no wrong in their eyes. Especially doctors who have a name like Kennedy. Uncle Junior revered his Doctor Kennedy so much that he made excuses for the doctor. But Tony, a younger man than his Uncle Junior wasn't as impressed with the Doctor and dealt with the situation in the only way someone like Tony could. Intimidation disguised as generosity while invading the Doctor's personal space.
Sometimes you try to do the right thing and it backfires. For example, when Dr. Kennedy goes to the Medical Board about Uncle Jr. to discuss treatment plans Dr. Kennedy decides that although he thinks surgery is best he doesn't want another doctor to second guess his decision so he goes with chemo.
It's best to talk to the person you are having an issue with then taking it over their head. Give them an opportunity to address the issue first. If it isn't resolved then you can proceed to the next level.
If you are going to the doctor for a serious condition it's a good idea to bring someone with you that has some understanding of medicine. When you go to speak to your doctor about something serious you know you aren't paying 100% attention - how can you? Your upset. You need someone who is neutral and can ask the right questions and can then explain it to your family later.
Carmella makes a huge decision in this episode. She goes to a psychologist of her own and admits for the first time out loud what her husband does for a living. The doctor told her he would not take her money. It was blood money. He told her that she needed to take her children and leave immediately. He told her to take nothing...no money and no belongings. It would be wrong as it was money tainted by the impurity of crime. When Carmella is confronted like this she has a decision to make. Does she cleanse herself of the sins of her family or does she stay? She decides to stay but there is a cost to Tony. He has to agree to give $50,000 to Meadow's College. A shake down as Tony described it earlier. Carmella tells him he must do it...he needs to do it for her. Of course he relented and gave in. I wonder though what would have happened at that point if he had said no? He didn't know what was a stake with that answer. (I for one would never think Carmella would leave that house with nothing but the clothes on her back.)
Spoiler Alert...If you haven't actually watched the entire catalog of Sopranos don't read any further...(Why are you waiting by the way???) Knowing what is going to happen in the future when you watch these episodes over again adds a new level of understanding. It takes a great deal of planning and strategy to line up these story lines. It's obvious that David Chase knew where he was going with these character's development. (At least up until the last two season - but maybe when I re-watch I'll change my opinion.) Uncle Jr's incident with the blender...just like the time he put his hand in the sink drain made me realize they were showing us his descent into dementia.
Sunday, December 13, 2015
Sunday, February 1, 2015
The Wisdom of the Sopranos Part 31 (Season 3 Episode University)
Interference, boundaries and extreme measures are the key lessons of this episode.
It's wise to remember that you are not always welcome in conversation.
Know your place, don't interject when not wanted.
Don't overstep your boundaries with not only verbal but physical interactions as well.
(One very small example is Meadow raising her glass to have her mother fill it. She doesn't of course. Meadow is a grown woman. She has to get her own juice now.)
Hard lesson that many people face in their lives is when you give someone something they want and once they get it they leave. It makes you, rightfully so, more cautious in the future.
Some people take extreme measures in dealing with issues. Noah placing a restraining order on Meadow's roommate because she talked while he was studying and he got a poor grade. Ralph beating his mistress to death because she had the nerve to expect him to marry her after getting her pregnant.
It's wise to remember that you are not always welcome in conversation.
Know your place, don't interject when not wanted.
Don't overstep your boundaries with not only verbal but physical interactions as well.
(One very small example is Meadow raising her glass to have her mother fill it. She doesn't of course. Meadow is a grown woman. She has to get her own juice now.)
Hard lesson that many people face in their lives is when you give someone something they want and once they get it they leave. It makes you, rightfully so, more cautious in the future.
Some people take extreme measures in dealing with issues. Noah placing a restraining order on Meadow's roommate because she talked while he was studying and he got a poor grade. Ralph beating his mistress to death because she had the nerve to expect him to marry her after getting her pregnant.
Monday, January 12, 2015
The Wisdom of the Sopranos Part 30 (Season 3 Episode Another Toothpick)
It's possible that when someone appears to be angry or upset about someone else's situation it's not really about that person, it's really about themselves.
When someone asks you to do something and you do it but it fails you can cover yourself by saying you didn't do it and give a good reason why you didn't. The other person will probably never know that it was really because it didn't work out when you tried.
Respect the chain of command even if you don't agree. Also, if you are the boss always have your supervisors' backs. Don't show disagreement in public with their performance or judgment. If you have a problem tell them off to the side where no one can hear.
Some people use humor to express anger. They mask their anger with jokes. However, it can be difficult, if not impossible, to be taken seriously when you joke all the time.
What you say, or ask of others can result in unintended consequences. If you are not clear what you are asking for can be miscommunicated with less than ideal results.
When you need to provide punishment or bad news and you are going for maximum effect it's best to get them off guard. So, when they least expect it you can provide this punishment.
Want to get out of something? Pick a fight about something related and then introduce the extreme result of the argument - which is what you want anyway. You have just created the illusion of spontaneity in your decision making.
Some people just can't be bought.
Sometimes you are the hunted. Other times you are the prey.
When someone asks you to do something and you do it but it fails you can cover yourself by saying you didn't do it and give a good reason why you didn't. The other person will probably never know that it was really because it didn't work out when you tried.
Respect the chain of command even if you don't agree. Also, if you are the boss always have your supervisors' backs. Don't show disagreement in public with their performance or judgment. If you have a problem tell them off to the side where no one can hear.
Some people use humor to express anger. They mask their anger with jokes. However, it can be difficult, if not impossible, to be taken seriously when you joke all the time.
What you say, or ask of others can result in unintended consequences. If you are not clear what you are asking for can be miscommunicated with less than ideal results.
When you need to provide punishment or bad news and you are going for maximum effect it's best to get them off guard. So, when they least expect it you can provide this punishment.
Want to get out of something? Pick a fight about something related and then introduce the extreme result of the argument - which is what you want anyway. You have just created the illusion of spontaneity in your decision making.
Some people just can't be bought.
Sometimes you are the hunted. Other times you are the prey.
Thursday, January 8, 2015
The Wisdom of the Sopranos Part 29 (Season 3 Episode Employee of the Month)
As soon as I saw the title to this episode I immediately recalled what happens to Dr. Melfi. It's one of my favorite installments because of the ending. Dr. Melfi is raped as she was leaving work. It is a very difficult piece to watch. Her attacker gets off without charges due to a technicality. Dr. Melfi has a dream (as I've stated before dreams can really have underlying meanings) and when recounting it in therapy she comes to the realization that all she has to do is tell Tony about the rape and he would take care of her rapist. She had satisfaction in knowing that she had the power to have him "squashed like a bug". In the end of the episode Tony is in a session with Dr. Melfi. She begins to cry and he comforts her. I know he suspected something was wrong in their earlier session. It's in his eyes, his suspicion. Dr. Melfi asked him to go back to his chair while she collected herself. Tony asked her if there was something she wanted to say. It looked to him as if she was going to say something. She responded with a very firm NO. Dr. Melfi knew that she would be crossing an invisible line and chose the high ground. The ultimate wisdom here is that sometimes knowing what you can do, even if you don't act on it, can give you a piece of mind.
You need to be forthcoming about your intentions otherwise people might misinterpret.
When people get mad they tend to lash out at those closest to them. They also loose their restraint when it comes to their language.
Being the boss, the leader, can be a very parental role.
You need to be forthcoming about your intentions otherwise people might misinterpret.
When people get mad they tend to lash out at those closest to them. They also loose their restraint when it comes to their language.
Being the boss, the leader, can be a very parental role.
Monday, January 5, 2015
The Wisdom of the Sopranos Part 28 (Season 3 Fortunate Son)
The main theme in the episode was sons. Tony realizes the root cause of his panic attacks and the parallel experiences of Anthony Jr. It's also about Jackie Jr. (The previous boss' son who is going to college and whose father didn't want him involved in the family business.) There are comparisons between the futures of Jackie Jr. and Anthony Jr.
Understanding root cause will help keep panic attacks at bay. Dr. Melfi brought up the point that anytime Tony has these attacks there is meat involved. Later Tony remembers one time where he witnessed his father cut off the pinkie of the meat butcher. Tony's dad tells him that the butcher owed money because he was a gambler and that Tony should NEVER gamble and that a man should honor his debts. Later that same night when his mother received meat from the same butcher she was very happy. His dad and mother were full of joy, laughing and dancing in the kitchen together. Then Tony focused on the meat and passed out. It was his first panic attack but he didn't realize it at the time. Dr. Melfi sees it as a connection to how Tony will have to be the one to deliver the bacon when he grew up. (Tony's mother was apparently always happy when she received her meat delivery. Probably because she knew why they never paid for the meat. It's a similar pattern being played now with Carmella seducing Tony whenever she suspects he has done something violent or illegal. It turns her on just as it did Tony's mother years before.)
Things that seem good at first can actually end up bad.
Even secrets that you think are well kept about yourself can still be known to others.
There are times when the best thing to do is not say anything. Don't add fuel to the verbal fire.
When you are desperate you do desperate things.
Lastly, we are sometimes destined to repeat history. When Anthony Jr. is named Defensive Captain of his football team because he has been shown to be a leader he passes out. Most certainly that is Anthony Jr.'s first panic attack.
Understanding root cause will help keep panic attacks at bay. Dr. Melfi brought up the point that anytime Tony has these attacks there is meat involved. Later Tony remembers one time where he witnessed his father cut off the pinkie of the meat butcher. Tony's dad tells him that the butcher owed money because he was a gambler and that Tony should NEVER gamble and that a man should honor his debts. Later that same night when his mother received meat from the same butcher she was very happy. His dad and mother were full of joy, laughing and dancing in the kitchen together. Then Tony focused on the meat and passed out. It was his first panic attack but he didn't realize it at the time. Dr. Melfi sees it as a connection to how Tony will have to be the one to deliver the bacon when he grew up. (Tony's mother was apparently always happy when she received her meat delivery. Probably because she knew why they never paid for the meat. It's a similar pattern being played now with Carmella seducing Tony whenever she suspects he has done something violent or illegal. It turns her on just as it did Tony's mother years before.)
Things that seem good at first can actually end up bad.
Even secrets that you think are well kept about yourself can still be known to others.
There are times when the best thing to do is not say anything. Don't add fuel to the verbal fire.
When you are desperate you do desperate things.
Lastly, we are sometimes destined to repeat history. When Anthony Jr. is named Defensive Captain of his football team because he has been shown to be a leader he passes out. Most certainly that is Anthony Jr.'s first panic attack.
Saturday, January 3, 2015
The Wisdom of the Sopranos Part 27 (Season 3 Proshai, Livushka)
I couldn't resist but to link the video for Ding Dong the Witch is Dead from the Wizard of Oz...
But in all seriousness it was unfortunate that the actress Nancy Marchand who played Livia Soprano died. She played her last role to perfection. So, I hope that she wouldn't have minded the reference.
When it comes to panic attacks sometimes it's not triggered by the direct source of anxiety but something that reminds you of it. It's like an echo of your sub-conscious that triggers an attack.
But in all seriousness it was unfortunate that the actress Nancy Marchand who played Livia Soprano died. She played her last role to perfection. So, I hope that she wouldn't have minded the reference.
When it comes to panic attacks sometimes it's not triggered by the direct source of anxiety but something that reminds you of it. It's like an echo of your sub-conscious that triggers an attack.
When someone dies that you are close to you don't always know how to act. You don't know how to respond to other's sympathetic words and actions. If you are the person providing these words of sympathy you don't always know what to say.
At one point Tony saw through everyone's "bullshit" as he called it. The only person who seemed truly upset over Livia's death was his Uncle Junior.
Sometimes when someone dies it brings up memories that you might have suppressed. (Artie remembered when Livia told him about Tony having his old restaurant burned down.)
Livia's "best friend" remembered her as someone that would always let her know when someone was in the hospital or died. She thought that was admirable. But, we all know that is Livia sharing her joylessness. The motivations of people is not always clear unless you know them intimately.
Throughout this episode you see Tony watching an old James Cagney movie, The Public Enemy. James Cagney plays a mobster with a loving mother. Certainly NOT the life Tony Soprano had. Which brings me to the last point of wisdom of this movie. Watching movies can be therapeutic. During the scene where James Cagney's character was coming home his mother was shown as being happy preparing his room but meanwhile he is being delivered as a corpse to the front door. That made Tony cry. Who hasn't watched a movie and had a moment where you could relate or wish you could relate?
The Wisdom of the Sopranos Part 26 (Season 3 Episode Mr. Ruggerio's Neighborhood)
Not much going on in this episode. They are easing into the season by re-introducing you to the characters and presenting where they are now. I know that this season is one of the best (before it starts to take a serious dip in the rest of the series with the exception of some individual gems). In some ways the beginning of Season 3 marks the beginning of the end. So, without trying this episode reminds me of the old proverb "all good things must come to an end".
Create an effective disguise and watch for patterns in behavior in order to gain access. The level of cleverness is increased when the object of your focus is someone equally as clever.
Don't forget to be aware of verbal clues. It's important to notice when it's no longer comfortable or desirable to continue that line of discussion.
It can be good to confront someone directly instead of letting things fester.
Create an effective disguise and watch for patterns in behavior in order to gain access. The level of cleverness is increased when the object of your focus is someone equally as clever.
Don't forget to be aware of verbal clues. It's important to notice when it's no longer comfortable or desirable to continue that line of discussion.
It can be good to confront someone directly instead of letting things fester.
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